Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not an occasional art, it is a permanent attitude.

--Martin Luther

This quote showed up in my inbox a few months ago and got me started thinking about forgiveness. The traditional view of forgiveness is that it is a discrete, chosen response to a specific wrong suffered. Someone insults or injures me; and, instead of getting them back or hating them, I choose to forgive them--an occasional art. So what does it mean for forgiveness to be a permanent attitude? Another quote on forgiveness showed up in my inbox that perhaps sheds some light on this:

Forgiveness is giving up the right to retaliate. Forgiveness is the willingness to have something happen the way it happened. It's not true that you can't forgive something; it's a matter of the will, and you always have the choice. Forgiveness is never dependent on what the other person does or does not do; it is always under our control. Forgiveness is giving up the insistence on being understood.... Jesus forgave those who crucified him. This is a radically new way of thinking. For those who accept and practice this discipline, there is a release of energy and a sense of freedom.--Pixie Koestline Hammond
For Everything There Is a Season

Giving up the right to retaliate, to have things turn out the way I want, to be understood. This is a radical notion indeed. Sure I'll forgive someone; but, deep down, I want them to know that they've done wrong but that I, in my benevolence, have forgiven them. What I really want is what I perceive to be justice. You hurt me, and my gracious (hah!) forgiveness ought to make you feel like the worm you are! After all, things should have turned out better. Don't I deserve that?

Another way to say this might be that forgiveness is not having to be right or in control. Ouch. I like being in control. If I'm in a car, I'd rather be driving. I get a little jittery when I'm in big, noisy crowds; I mean, anything could happen! Small children are a challenge for me for the same reasons. Don't even get me started on being right. Let's just agree that I am; and, if it appears that I'm not, you probably don't understand what I mean. You see my problem.

Perhaps true forgiveness, forgiveness as a continuous attitude, is recognizing that I am not in control and do not have any guarantees about being right, being understood, or getting my way. Instead of responding to wrongs suffered, what if I were to give up feeling wronged and, therefore, suffering?

Right and wrong, sin and punishment, guilt and justification--perhaps Christianity's obsession with these things has clouded my perspective. Obsessed with my own guilt and forgiveness, I make a big deal out of forgiving the guilt of others.